Funny thing about forgiveness. There are those people that believe that it is an act of weakness. The truth is that, when we have and/or are maintaining the thought or memory of something in our past that we are not forgiving, it is expending energy that we could otherwise use in our present. Accordingly, it is actually weakening us and weakening our ability to be fully present. 

Many people resist forgiveness, because they do not want to be in contact with those that they are forgiving or are certainly not going to say “I forgive you” to someone who has hurt them. It could also be endangering to contact someone who has hurt us in the past, because they might just hurt us again. Fortunately, actually contacting someone is not necessary in the forgiveness process. 

We practice forgiveness, not to necessarily benefit others, but to benefit ourselves; some say, to free our souls. So, that means that we want to forgive from the inside out. We do not have to tell someone we forgive them or do some sort of forgiveness act in order to forgive them; it can be an entirely inside job. However, if we truly forgive someone and then are in contact with them again, then we would clearly be able to treat them with love rather than anger or hate.

Often, in situations where forgiveness is warranted, we forget that we probably had a part in what went wrong. It often helps to speak with someone who is not emotionally involved with us or the party that wronged us, in order to get an objective viewpoint on the situation. We then have to forgive ourselves for, at the least, putting ourselves in the situation to get wronged in the first place or if we had any part in the wrong, to forgive ourselves for that. 

Forgiveness Guru Level: Conditioning Myself to Forgive

I strive to reach what I call “Guru Level”. At “Guru Level” we know that all people are not perfect and that they may in fact be sick in some way mentally, emotionally or spiritually. So, if we know this to be true, we will not feel wronged by their actions, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Beyond that, it is what it is and my feeling “wronged” is just an opinion based on what I think is right and wrong. I am not the supreme judger of all things, therefore, it is probably best if I accept it as it is and never feel wronged in the first place.

That way, forgive or not to forgive is never the question.

G. Cole
Founder, Pathwaves