Relationships and love are considered among the greatest gifts in life. If unhealthy, they are often viewed as our biggest curse. At Pathwaves, we believe the positive potential of both love and relationships far outweigh any negative aspects.

We refer to love as a trinity of a feeling, action, and receiving, as illustrated in this popular wedding passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This famous prayer, when you replace the words “Lord and Divine Master” with “love” captures a similar sentiment:

“Love, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Love, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned…”

Love And Our Animal Instincts

To live from love, rather than fear, is one of the greatest privileges of being human. We as a species have the unique ability to transcend our animal instincts and to live from a higher plane. As explored in Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari, humanity has not yet evolved as a whole to this enlightened state. However, as individuals we do have that ability, and it is a much more enjoyable way to live life.

Relationships exist everywhere, and between everything. As any healer or self-help guru will tell you, the most important relationship in life is the one we have with ourselves, and the many parts that make us.

The best aspects of relationships are rooted in love. Yet, many of us operate from a fear-based mentality, which causes relationships to suffer. Our ability to partake in relationships is directly affected by our relationship with ourselves. For example, many will agree with the old adage that in order to love others, we must first love ourselves.

How do animal instincts come into play?

We are fear-based pack animals. Our survival instincts drive us to view everything around us and decide whether it will hurt us or not. These herd instincts also drive us to seek out a tribe. Accordingly, our autonomic nervous system and all of our senses are constantly feeding us signals to determine where we “fit” in the tribe.

The strength of these instincts, and depth they occupy in our nervous systems, is dependent on the combination of our genetics, epigenetics, and the entrainment by our original tribe (our parents, family, friends, school, etc.).

This entrainment begins from the ages of negative 3 months – the last 3 months of the gestation period before birth – until we are 7 or 8 years old. The natural selection process and survival instinct response is to avoid being at the back of or outsides the tribe because, well, lions, tigers and bears (oh my).

These neurological functions influence our relationships, and often cause us to destroy relationships in order to move up in the tribal hierarchy, or because we feel threatened. These instincts are no longer needed for survival, and yet they are prolific, impacting a large portion of energetic resources individually, within our society, and within our relationships.

As you observe what is happening in many places around you, you’ll begin to notice that the societal norm is to push people into tribes, and then treat them accordingly. This then results in tribal warfare as a common form of communication, which causes large scale unrest and dissatisfaction.

Relationships And Family Dynamics

A similar phenomenon happens with our interpersonal relationships as well. After the initial glow of a relationship wears off, we often slip back into our original survival patterns that were installed by our familial tribe, because that is our primary understanding of how relationships work. Unfortunately, family dynamics alter greatly.

In many relationships, the participants unconsciously slide into their tribal patterns, and end up with tribal warfare as their form of communication. This may be a primary reason why so many relationships do not work out.

Relationships, however, are an ideal opportunity to create a sacred tribe, or sacred space, for the parties in that relationship. Ongoing relationships require trust, awareness, mindfulness, acceptance and forgiveness (toward ourselves and the other parties). This may sound cumbersome, yet the reality is that those who practice these will tell you that those “actions” alone feel great, and the results are even better.

At Pathwaves, we educate and facilitate the practice of creating sacred relationships and space as we continue on our journey to help the world become a “love-based” place.

If you’d like to learn how you can improve your relationships and accelerate change through our methodology, we are here to help. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation today.

To help those who cannot afford the services of Pathwaves, consider donating to the Pathwaves Foundation. Please call (305) 858-6616 for more information.